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F4J-Today This Issue of F4J-Today focuses on raising awareness of Manufactured Fatherlessness in America as explained in the first article.
As many of you are aware we will be hosting the Second Annual ***NATIONWIDE*** Fatherless Day at the State Senates and House of Representatives across the country on Friday June 19th 2009. There will be lobbying from 9:00AM until 12:00PM and rallying from 12:00PM until 3:00PM.
Click here for the Fatherless Day Flyer. To find out more about what is going on in your state, or to help organize join your state yahoo group listed here .
If you are an active participant please send stories and pictures to [email protected]
Can’t Make it? Support the people on the ground and in the lobbies by sending an e-mail mentioning Fatherless Day and Manufactured Fatherlessness to your State Senators, State Representatives and local media. Be sure you mention that you support the people that are there in person lobbying and rallying.
To find your state legislators go to www.congress.org and enter your zip code in the “My Elected Officials” box. Feel free to send the same message to all of them.
We would like to see what people are saying and doing so please send a copy of your letter to [email protected]
Volunteer needs
Coordinators Needed!
Currently Fathers 4 Justice is seeking people to coordinate efforts in states that are not yet organized. If you would like to volunteer for state coordinator fill out the form for your state.
Writers Needed! There is always a need for new content and writers needed. There are many news stories that go untold because there aren’t enough people to write about it. Sign up as a reporter.
Get Local
Join your state f4J yahoo group to organize and communicate with others in your state.
National Events 2009 June 19th Fatherless Day Rally
(Lobby on the state level) July 23-27 DC Rally/Festival
(Lobby on Federal level) Aug 29 Nationwide Micro-rallies Inform the public
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RAIN ON WATER
BY
PAUL M. CLEMENTS
WHY DOES IT RAIN ON RIVERS
ON PONDS, LAKES, AND SEA
WHEN RAINDROPS FALL UPON WATER
IT SEEMS SUCH A WASTE TO ME
RAINFALL IS NEEDED BY FLOWERS
BY GRASSES, SHRUBBERY, AND TREES
NOT BY THE WHALES AND FISHES
THAT SWIM IN THE SEVEN SEAS
BUT THE LAWS THAT GOVERN THE RAINFALL
ARE MADE BY ONE WISER THAN I
THE CREATOR, WHO MADE ME, MADE RAINFALL,
THE OCEANS, THE EARTH, AND THE SKY
HIS PLAN FOR THE RAINFALL IS SIMPLE
IT FALLS WHEREVER IT MAY.
THE PLAN OF ITS' FALLING IS HIS PLAN
AND NOT UP TO ME TO SAY
THE LAWS THAT MEN MAKE ARE TRANSIENT
SUBJECT TO BREAKAGE AND WHIM
BUT THE LAWS MADE BY GOD, OUR CREATOR
CAN ONLY BE ALTERED BY HIM
MANUFACTURING FATHERLESSNESS
The decision to be a single custodial parent is largely a financial choice by women who perceive a benefit from filing a divorce or declining a marriage. Marriage "for better or worse" represents uncertainty to women, while government programs (Child Support, ADF, etc) are a sure thing. The security of government programs is more attractive than the uncertainty of getting or staying married, they are a government divorce incentive system.
For men, Marriage represents a substantial risk of losing savings or investment into a marriage. Investing in a family is likely the most substantial investment of time and effort a man can make. Women typically 'win' no-fault divorces, and walk away with everything including the house, the marital savings, the car, the children, and even his future earnings. Men view marriage as a unilateral debt obligation that women may 'cash in' at any time, and leave men broke and distressed over the loss of children.
The divorce incentive system works for women because the expectation of winning most or sole custody. It must be known that the no-fault divorce petition will most probably exclude the husband from the family for women to make this choice. This is 100% opposite to a request upon the judge for permission to leave the family, as divorces are often portrayed.
Margaret F. Brinig, in "These Boots Are Made For Walking: Why Most Divorce Filers Are Women", describes "expectation of sole custody" and its effect on divorce filing decisions. Much of the analysis is biased, for example it presumes all reports of 'cruelty' made in a divorce are true, and that all
courts are 'fair' or just in terms of allocating custody. It still provides some fairly reasonable conclusions: "filing behavior is driven by self-interest at the time of divorce..... We have found that who gets the children is by far the most important component in deciding who files for divorce, particularly when there is little quarrel about property, .... custody coefficients were the largest by far, family law reformers may want to concentrate on formulating custody rules that will alter the spouses’ relative gains from marriage." In other words, they did a study, ran a regression on divorce filers, and found that that child custody was by far the largest determinant of divorce (over and above gender). The parent that gets custody is almost always the parent that files for divorce. If skewed determinants such as 'reported cruelty' were dropped the custody determinant would likely increase further. This strongly suggests that changing the way
custody is allocated would have the most impact upon the numbers of divorces filed.
In some jurisdictions, 80% or more of divorces are filed by women. This is opposite to feminist propaganda that portrays typical divorces as a 1950's era phenomenon of the husband running off with the cute young secretary. Women are divorcing to secure benefits for themselves. The U.S.C.B. reports (Pub. P60-230) that 83.1% of sole custodial parents are female, and this knowledge is the assurance to a female plaintiff that she can file with almost 85% confidence in the outcome.
States are beneficiaries of a federal program (42 U.S.C. 658a) that pays them money in proportion to the size of their Child Support programs, which is dependent on the number of divorces. More divorces or more single parent households with child support payments = more money for states. Creating sole or unequal custody results in greater child support collects, and also increases the 'kickback' earned by the states and courts. States have an incentive to preserve the preference for mothers in sole custody awards, in order to enhance the numbers of divorce, and the imbalance of custody awards, which enhances income to the states, and directly enhances funding of the Judge’s salary. Click here for the entire article
THE ABSENT DAD Paul M. Clements Do you remember the times we sang and played the guitar together? The singing in the car as we drove around on errands? Do you remember the music from records and tapes? The concerts we went to as a family? I wanted to share my love of music with you, and was so proud when you took up music in school. Making the middle school orchestra made your Dad proud. You must have sounded so great at the annual recital. I wish I could have been there. Do you remember sitting on my lap, steering the car down through the empty parking lot? You seemed to be a natural driver. You were too small then to reach the pedals, but I knew you'd soon grow into it. I looked forward to teaching you to drive for real. Taking you out for practice drives, helping you learn the laws. You must have been so proud and happy when you first got your license, I'll bet you were jumping and screaming all around. Wish I could have been there. Who did you go out with on your first date? Where did you go, and did you have a good time? Like most fathers, I looked forward to that evening with mixed emotions. My little girl was growing up, but that meant dangers to face. A father should be there, at a time like that, to see you off, and wish you well. He should be there when you return, too. I wish I could have been there. The senior prom is the biggest event of high school days. For months the girls and boys are buzzing about who will take who to the prom. Money must be earned for gowns and tuxedos, limo rentals, and corsages. The prom committee spends several weeks planning and decorating the hall. Then the big night, all dressed up like a movie star, waiting to be whisked away in a chauffeured limousine. You must have looked gorgeous in your new gown, all smiling and nervous. A sight to make a father proud. I wish I could have been there. Then Graduation day. The capped and gowned graduating class marches into the hall to the tune of "Pomp & Circumstance", carrying on a tradition that is a century old. The speeches go on for hours. The Principal, the Superintendent of Schools, local politicians, an invited special guest. Then the class valedictorian, telling all the graduates to go forth into a new world, and make a splash. Next comes the awarding of prizes and scholarships, and the lucky recipients parade across the town hall stage. Then the awarding of diplomas, and another march across the stage. Students smile and parents snap pictures. The hall is filled with happy students and proud parents. I wish I could have been there. Four years of high school have prepared you for college. The applications were sent out, aptitude tests taken, and the tensely awaited acceptance arrives in the mail. All summer long, you nervously await that first big day. Everyone said it would be different, and you wonder if you can succeed. The days immediately preceding your departure are filled with packing and unpacking and repacking. Worrying what to take, and what you'll need, and how much room you'll have to store it. Then the drive to the campus, finding the registration line, filling out a dozen forms, finding your room and meeting your roommate. A frenzy of activity, the whole school is abuzz. An exciting adventure about to begin. Then the thought, "Today I leave my family". It helps to have a loving hug, and some reassurance. I wish I could have been there. Four more years and you'll graduate from college. Another milestone in your life. Start a career, maybe find "Mr. Right" and get married. Start a family. All those big events in a daughter's life. Big events in a Dad's life, too! Only this Dad is divorced, and no longer a father. He's an outsider, not to be included in his child's life. It pains me to think of how many more times I will have to say, "I wish I could have been there".
Charlie, Dad recommends these books
By Don Mathis
In spite of today's enlightened male-female parenting roles, it still seems as if the majority of books for preschool children have the mother as the nurturer or primary care provider. Some men are content with this, but it can be unhealthy for both child and father. My 4-year-old son, Charlie, and I have found that the following "top 10" books contain positive role images for father and child relationships and are entertaining as well:
"Night Driving" by John Coy, illustrated by Peter McCarty (Henry Holt, 1996). "My dad and I are driving west." So begins the story as sunset falls. By sunrise, father and child have gone through the Alphabet Game twice, reminisced about Grandfather, experienced a flat, discovered the Big Dipper and surprised deer. This tale is as rich as the smell of strong coffee, as cozy as a dashboard light in a dark car and as memorable as the first time you held the steering wheel.
"Pinocchio" by Carlo Collodi, various illustrators, various versions of Walt Disney's story originally published by Golden Books. The wooden puppet must be brave, truthful and unselfish before he can become a real boy. The love between Geppetto and his son make this possible. Charlie and I like the Golden Super Shape Book version, which ends: "Father!" he cried. "Look at me! Now I'm really and truly a real boy!" "And so you are," said Geppetto, hugging him tight.
"Animal Daddies and My Daddy" by Barbara Shook Hazen, illustrated by Ilse-Margret Vogel (Golden Books, 1968). This rhyming book compares animal attributes (thrift, strength, height, industriousness, bravery) with characteristics of fathers of children of both genders and various races.
"We Help Daddy" by Mini Stein, illustrated by Eloise Wilken (Golden Books, 1962). Benjy and Sue help Daddy fix doors, pull weeds, wash cars and dogs, and do other chores. Mommy is still the one to tuck the kids in bed, but the message is clear: "Helping Daddy is fun!"
"The Lion King," adapted by Justine Korman, illustrated by Don Williams and H.R. Russell (Golden Books, 1994). Like Pinocchio, this is one of various versions. King Mufasa teaches his son Simba about bravery, honor and and other values. Though Mufasa dies early in Simba's life, his memory inspires Simba to accept his place in the circle of life.
"Eric Needs Stitches," by Barbara Pavis Marino, photographs by Richard Rudinski (Addison-Wesley, 1979). Charlie and I were fortunate to have read this before the day came when he actually needed stitches. From the distraction on the bicycle to the spill, his father's gentle washing of the dirt from the scratches on Eric's palms to the emergency room anxiety, the syringe and the stitches on his knee, this realistic story demystifies what is usually a strange and scary experience.
"I'll See You When the Moon Is Full,"" by Susi Gregg Fowler, illustrated by Jim Fowler (Greenwillow Books, 1994). A little boy is apprehensive about when he'll see his dad again as he helps him pack for a business trip. The idea of two weeks is incomprehensible until the father shows his son the crescent moon and describes what the moon will look like when he returns. Charlie's tired at night when I read it to him, so he gets a little sad at some parts; but he's comforted by the boy and his dad 's conversation and their echo of the book's title. This sweet story brings home children's need for predictability.
"I Meant to Tell You," written and illustrated by James Stevenson (Greenwillow Books, 1996). Stevenson paints in watercolors and words the praises and happy memories of his daughter. The book reminds parents of the importance of voicing feelings, and voicing them often. Children love to hear how smart, talented, intuitive, brave and thoughtful they are. Charlie likes this book a lot, and so do I.
"My Father Doesn't Know About the Woods and Me," by Dennis Haseley, illustrated by Michael Hays (Atheneum/Macmillan, 1988). A boy and his father go for a walk in the woods. Charlie loves how the boy turns into a wolf, a hawk, a fish; just a flash in his father's vision. And then the boy sees a majestic stag, muscles rippling, with a steady, kind gaze. "I think that's his daddy," Charlie says.
"Happy Father's Day," by Steven Kroll, illustrated by Marylin Hafner (Holiday House, 1988). Dad wakes up on Father's Day to find a note: "There's a surprise waiting for you in the kitchen." So he discovers his favorite breakfast and another note. Each note leads to another child's personal favor and gift until, six special surprises later, they all go to the Greensox baseball game - the kind of Father's Day every dad should have.
Don Mathis is the editor of The Fourteen Percenter, a newsletter for noncustocial parents. See http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NCP-TX-Grayson/message/36 for a recent issue. Contact him at [email protected].
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