Most everyone seems to have a difficult time getting back into the "dating game" after a divorce. For those dads among us who have taken an active role in fighting the abuses of the family law court system pertaining to child custody post-divorce, this is even more of a challenge.
The reality of this country is this: most women seem to resent fathers who want their children-to these dads, their kids come first, as they should.
From my personal experiences, women, particularly those who are divorced, seem to be looking for one or more of the following:
1. Mr Movie Star. The guy had to be physically attractive to get their time of day, or else forget it.
2. Mr. Moneybags. The guy has to have loads of money to spend on her, or else forget it.
3. Mr. Pursuit. This guy has to "chase" the woman. For some idiotic reason, far too many women seem to feel that they must be "pursued". Good luck with that, ladies.
I will take my hat off to those of you who failed at the first marriage attempt, and have somehow managed to find "the right one" this time, hopefully, and try it again. I hope it works out for all of you.
In reality, re-marriage seems to happen fairly quickly, within a couple of years, or not at all.
Personally, I have been told by several prospective girlfriends that they and their kids would come first, and "to heck" with mine. I have also been told, by more than one, that she could not possibly stand to have a boyfriend who actually wanted`his' kids at home with him.
In my humble opinion, women, those in Michigan in particular, have a serious attitude problem when it comes to looking for men. Most men will not fall into one of the three categories above-leaving most people single, which is not a bad thing, but is far from what most of us desire.
Mr. "average man" has little, if any, chance out there today. And, if he happens to advocate against the abuses committed by our family courts, he may as well hang it up. I speak with other father advocates who relay the same message to me-they have given up on dating, much less on ever finding a compatible lady to spend their life with.
It seems to me that if this "forced perception" of divorced fathers was brought back to into the realm of reality, that we all would be much better off. This perception is inflicted upon us all by today's media and the courts themselves.
America, this needs to change.
A Father Of Two
Recommended Reading:
Dating for Dads: The Single Father's Guide to Dating Well Without Parenting Poorly
This may come as a surprise for you, but I am giving you kudos for this blog. I agree with you 100%. I am an ex-wife, and now I'm dating a wonderful dad of four, for little over a year. If women could change their mind frames and be less selfish and think about the well-being of their kids, regardless of their marital experience, there will be peace on this earth. As an ex, I do not play games with my ex. Eventhough our marriage didn't work, we are great friends and he's an excellent father. I will never deprive my kids of their father. They deserve each other in good and in bad. The same for my boyfriend, I welcome his kids into my life and treat them as my own. I must say that we have a blast everytime we spend quality time with them. Is good to give love, but it's also good to receive it and build good memories with happy kids.
Posted by: Yolly | March 18, 2009 at 03:01 PM
Thankfully, there are some women in the world (and in the United States) capable of loving a man's children from his first marriage. Blended families CAN work but it takes maturity and commitment, and it is rare. I am a divorced mother and the child of a divorced father whom suffered horribly at my mother's hand, and I know that it is possible for a woman to love and care for the children of her husband's first marriage. I wish you all the best. NEVER compromise and accept a woman not as in love with your kids as you are. Otherwise, you will regret your marriage and your dear children will suffer.
Posted by: B. | April 12, 2009 at 08:44 PM